You know you’re Australian if….

December 5, 2008

You know the meaning of ‘girt’

You believe that stubbies can either be worn or drunk

You think it is normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin

You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers
stuffed in your wallet or purse

You’ve made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for
something illegal such as watering the garden

When you hear that an American ‘roots for his team’ you wonder how often
and with whom

You understand that the phrase ‘a group of women wearing black thongs’
refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds

You pronounce Melbourne as ‘Mel-bin’

You pronounce Penrith as ‘Pen-riff’

You believe the ‘L’ in the word ‘ Australia ‘ is optional

You can translate: ‘Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to
Maccas’

You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways
with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep

You call your best friend ‘a total bastard’ but someone you really,
truly despise is just ‘a bit of a bastard’

You think ‘Woolloomooloo’ is a perfectly reasonable name for a place

You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that’s twice
as big as its $2 coin

You understand that ‘Wagga Wagga’ can be abbreviated to ‘Wagga’ but ‘Woy
Woy’ can’t be called ‘Woy’

You believe that cooled-down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread

You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff
up, at which point they again become Kiwis

You know, despite whatever the tourist books say, that no one says ‘cobber’

You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any
rendition of The Angels’ song ‘Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again’

You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionery known as the
Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year

You still don’t get why the ‘Labor’ in ‘Australian Labor Party’ is not
spelt with a ‘u’

You wear ugh boots outside the house

You believe that the more you shorten someone’s name the more you like
them

Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order
takeaway fluently in every Asian language

You understand that ‘excuse me’ can sound rude, while ‘scuse me’ is
always polite

You know what it’s like to swallow a fly, on occasions via your nose

You understand that ‘you’ has a plural and that it’s ‘youse’

You know it’s not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle

Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules of beach
cricket

You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they
call ‘Anzac cookies’

When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally
strip-searched by Customs – just in case you’re trying to sneak in fruit

You believe the phrase ‘smart casual’ refers to a pair of black
tracky-daks, suitably laundered

You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction

When working at a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need
to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer

You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem
and then have trouble remembering the second

You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in
the government’s new test for migrants.

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One Response to “You know you’re Australian if….”

  1. Gleen Globes Says:

    I don’t believe the “cobber” line is correct = original author has obviously never met a true Queenslander!!


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